Blog of Joy

2005-10-22T03:02:00.000+08:00

This will be my last entry.

I won't be writing here anymore.

2005-10-22T02:51:00.000+08:00

I've always dislike August and October...
These are months whereby i will feel extremely vulnerable, f*** up and screw up...
10th August -- mum's birthday
30th October -- mum's death anniversary
mum... i will definitely be there to see u on 30th October...

2005-10-22T02:43:00.000+08:00

Arranged with June to go dance practice at Sengkang.
We agreed to meet at the bus stop after the expressway.
I reached the bus stop 30 mins earlier...
While waiting for her, my mind began to run wild... again.
The bus stop was noisy n crowded with people...
I felt suffocated...
I dunno how to express how i felt... but i felt the urge to dash to the middle of the road and kill myself.
Tears started to cloud my eyes.
I lowered my head.
I chanted in my heart.
I'm in pain...

2005-10-21T16:20:00.000+08:00

On Aug, i was on TV for a gameshow.
Last Sunday, YQ showed me The Sunday Times, our friend Anthony (Jinghe) was in it...
Last week, I saw Jianbin on TV for crosstalk.
Just now, i saw my senior, Huimin (who also studied in China) on a commercial for crosstalk as well.
Kelvin was also involved in the catwalk for RCS and appeared in newspaper...
Hmm... everybody seems to be enjoying this short span of fame huh...?

2005-10-21T13:39:00.000+08:00

Today is Datou's birthday... erm...actually i'm not even sure whether it's 21st or 22nd... I mean... he isn't sure either...
When i just got to know him, he told me his birthday is 22nd October.
However, two years ago (in China ), while he was cleaning the house with his parents, he came across this yellowish, almost torn paper -- his birth certificate.
I was at his house then, and i realised his date of birth was written 21st Oct... His mother was amazed too, but well, she said it doesn't matter, since it's only a day difference...
I wished Datou a happy birthday just now, and jokingly asked him should i greet him tomorrow instead of today...
"Doesn't matter," he replied. "I haven't been celebrating my birthday for 2 years anyway."
...
Anyway, hApPiE bIrThDay.

Below were pics sent by him...

how i envy him... to be able to climb the mountains, view all the beautiful scenery n sunsets...

He said he just got to know this bunch of photography freaks.

He will be going to Huangshan next week.... envy... :'(

2005-10-21T12:51:00.000+08:00

Received a letter from MOH yesterday.
I was chosen to take part in the Singapore Prospective Study Programme... AGAIN.
According to the letter, i took part in the same programme in 1992 n 1998 (afterwhich in 1999, i went China for studies). But as much as i tried to recall, i can only remember that i took part once in 1998... the 'stupid' nurses (i thk they were trainees) couldn't find my vein n i ended up having over 10 injections, and suffered from unsightly bruises for almost a month!
Anyway, i called the study manager as indicated by the letter just now, and f***ing hell, he's damn rude.
He sounded as if i have just woken him up from his sleep. He was mubbling, and i couldn't hear a word he said. I had to go, "Huh?" And so, he raised his voice. I tried to remain compose and told him that i accepted the invitation for the prospective study programme, he was like ok ok... I went on to tell him that my name in the letter was wrong and asked him if he'd like to update it, he replied, "Well, i think my guys will update it..." blah blah...
Talking about telephone etiquette, MOH somemore!

2005-10-21T08:33:00.000+08:00

Did not sleep well... i kept dreaming... When i was semi-conscious and almost fell into a state of dreaming, i told myself that i could dream of anything except...
But... i guess my emotional state is stronger than my mental state, cos i failed...
The dreams were pleasant though... In one of the dreams... we went fishing... happily.
I woke up only to find tears in my eyes...
--------------------------------------------------------------
I'm afraid of pain...

But i actually took out a pair scissors n poked it into the middle finger... green pus oozed out... followed by blood... (the pic on the right shows the pus oozing)...

i thought it'd be fine after that... I am wrong; it is still as swollen as ever...

pain is not easy to shake off afterall...

2005-10-20T23:07:00.000+08:00

I've always thought that ring is given during proposal... is meant for marriage... But i just realised that a ring, according to some people, means giving to someone special.
Of course, the person u marry is someone special... but u could have given earrings or necklace instead of a ring for that special someone... I mean... a ring is a symbol of marriage and commitment... not just a present for that special someone.
...
....
.....

2005-10-19T15:31:00.000+08:00

big fat swollen middle finger...
serves me right for pointing the middle finger!
ha... no lar... hands itchy lor... peel peel peel...
now seems to kena infection... pus forming... :'(
pain.

2005-10-18T19:58:00.000+08:00

SAS called me last week to go down 2dae. I nearly forgotten about it.
Today is my 2nd time there.
Surprisingly, the security guard still remembers me.

"I remember u! U came with your boyfriend that day, and he drove u in. He said u r unwell! U almost forgot to take your IC after school too!" smiled the friendly security guard.

"Erm... ok..."

"U came alone today?"

"Well yes... alone. I reckoned u won't get to see him again," i force a smile, trying to contain my sadness.

"Huh...?" his eyes opened wide.

"I'm running late. So how do i get to the Primary and Intermediate Division?" I asked.

He showed me the direction and i quickly made my way there. It's so much nearer as compared to ECC which was all the way IN.
...

Classroom P200

Corridor

school canteen is big and... artistic.

Staff's toilet...

Total experience : Good... prefer ECC... kids at ECC cuter...

2005-10-17T19:02:00.000+08:00

simple dinner.
dad finally cooked the yong tau foo which was bought 4 daes ago.
tasted abit chao sheng. watever, juz eat.nobody cares anyway.

2005-10-16T22:02:00.000+08:00

Came back from dinner with yq.
We had teochew porridge, and oso soya bean drink at Yong He Dou Jiang.
Went to a temple to see see look look too.
Special siah, it was a combination of Tua Pek Gong, Islam and Hindu temple.
It is like racial harmony, as what yq puts it.
Erm... all in one temple, except christianity.
Felt the urge to pray, but refrain.
Headed for home after that.
What a long, wet day.
Still raining siah, great for sleeping.

2005-10-16T19:05:00.000+08:00

Slept till now.
Woke up cos hp rang.
Had a dream; i hardly dream actually.
Felt so stupid.
My stomach is growling... oh ya, i hvn't even had lunch.
I went to the kitchen.
No dinner.
"U said u dun want to eat," mother said.
"U asked me when i came back. I thot u were asking me if i want to eat that time. I didn't know u meant dinner," i was a little pek chek, how can such miscommunication happened?
"Aiyoh..." mother was speechless.
"I cook yong tau foo for u. U bought them few days back," dad head towards the kitchen.
"Nevermind. I'll go out for dinner," i called yq and he agreed to have dinner together. Hmm... good thing he stays in the east... Really treasure n appreciate his friendship.

2005-10-16T15:45:00.000+08:00

bought this tweety pillow for Lay Cheng's baby daughter.
Cute.

2005-10-15T14:40:00.000+08:00

Lay Cheng's baby girl turns one year old today.
She invited me to her house for buffet lunch. My parents were invited too.
I asked her if she mind should i brought one more person along. She said fine.
But that person is not keen to go.
As a result, i did not go too.
I simply dun feel like going anymore... i dun want to go to the talk later at night too...
Guess when u have that special somebody in heart, u will want to bring him/her anywhere, as well as meeting your friends. So when he/she refused, rejected to follow suit, it hurts. And when your questions and doubts were constantly unanswered, it hurts even more.
Isit really very tough to talk things over?
I want to stay away from home tonight.
I dun want to answer any fone calls.

2005-10-15T09:57:00.000+08:00

Dad left an invitation card for a wedding show on my table last Saturday. He must have thought my big day is coming soon. I was attracted to the card, and was slightly overwhelmed by a sense of sweetness and happiness... I kept the card in my bag.
Just recently, i almost attended a wedding show in Hotel Intercontinental with him... He suggested it, but i was in casual clothing and my uncle happened to pass away on that very day... sighz...
Wedding show is becoming increasingly popular. Anyway, it's just a propaganda to disillusion hot-in-love couple to get married.
It works though. People attended the wedding show, attracted by the line-up of programmes, gowns and food, and signed up their 'special discounted' package.
Yea yea yea... couples got married cos they love each other so much so that they wanted to start a home together. They spent so much money to prepare their marriage, to go for honey-moon, to buy and renovate their house etc, yet after a few years down the road of married life, they began to loathe each other, began to fickle, began to have extra-marital affairs... ended up in divorce.
Scary.
They seem to have forgotten why they got married in the first place.
Forgotten... As if they have just regained consciouness after an accident, and lost their memory.
I took out the invitation card which has been in my bag since the day i got it.
I didn't show him. I dunno y. Perhaps i dun wan to be seem as if i'm very 'gian' to get married.
I thought i will be able to attend this wedding show with him without any qualms.
I thought.
How naive.
I hate myself.

2005-10-15T09:30:00.000+08:00

Sighing relieves stress. When u feel stress or bothered, try inhale deeply and let go, u'll feel slightly better.
But, there will be times when it don't works, and u'll feel like screaming my heart out. However, u cannot scream ur heart out anywhere, anytime or as and when u like it. It's a horrible feeling.
Turn to cigarettes? Sounds like a good idea. But it will be damaging to health and i certainly dun want to smell like smoke all the time. Argh, who cares? As long as i feel good this moment, y bother so much? Life is too short to bother about so many things!

2005-10-14T23:15:00.000+08:00

I have no shoes.
I mean, i dun have suitable shoes.
Just when people pays so much attention on their face n clothes they wear, they ignore the importance and rules of wearing suitable shoes.
I cut down on wearing high heels recently; i want to feel the solid ground, to balance myself better, and correct my posture.
Thus i'm constantly in casual clothing - T shirts, sphagetti straps, shorts, denim skirts with flat slip-ons / slippers.
I wore high heels today though, cos slippers dun match. It hurts a little. I began to drag... and the tiredness actually caused me to hunch unknowingly (helppp!).
I wonder why shoes that was once worn so comfortably for quite some time suddenly hurts? I dun feel like walking... sighz, my feet are tired.
I seriously need a new pair of shoes, not too high, juz one inch will do, to match with my other clothings.
However, it's actually a trouble for me to buy shoes... My shoes size is relatively small for my height. Due to my small feet, i can't get too fat, else i will topple easily... (no joke siah!)... I hate squatting too, cos my small feets will not able to support my heavy hips... My small feet is also slightly broad on the top, and this makes buying suitable shoes a difficult task.

2005-10-14T23:09:00.000+08:00

Angelina fly me kite today.
I waited since morning.
SAD.
I tried calling her several times, it's always the same man who answer the phone. I just dun understand why he refused to get Angelina to the phone. He just kept asking me to call back.
Argh.
Seems like all man are control freaks.
SAD.

2005-10-12T10:07:00.000+08:00

"Gohonzon was inscribed on October 12. U gotta learn something about our religion," mother told me this morning.
okokokokokokok... i will remember.
It isn't that difficult to remember anyway; Oct 12 -- 1012.
The unit number of my 2nd home in Potong Pasir (where my beloved mum passed away) is 1012.
----------------------------------
Time to go, running terribly late.
...
....

2005-10-12T09:56:00.000+08:00

Subject: Fwd: Family Allowance

Say this to your sweetheart next time if he gives you excuse to escape
family allowance....keke!

IT IS VERY FUNNY , VERY NICE AND WISE WOMAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Sweetheart,

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart

Your husband
Allen

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1.. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2.. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3.. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses
instead of the rent.
4.. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some
other items...........
5.. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise !!!

Your Sweet Heart

2005-10-11T22:50:00.000+08:00

cramps today.
super painful.
have to cancel tuition...

-------------------
Reached home and saw the withered flowers on my table. Impulsiveness got the better of me; i threw it out of my window. Just as immediately as i threw it out, it began to rain! Feeling stupid, i grabbed an umbrella and ran down... dad was puzzled y i went out again when i reached home barely 2 mins ago...
"I go get something," i said.
There it was, lying on the floor, wet. Two aunties were sitting at the void deck, they looked at me when i picked up the flowers... They must have seen the flowers falling... Argh, how stupid!
Yea, i brought it back home. Erm... Can u believe that the moment i put the flowers back in the vase, the rain actually stopped?
sighz...

2005-10-10T23:55:00.000+08:00

I simply love viewing showflats.
Be it HDBs, condominums, landed property or even Ikea showflats, i love them all.
My first showflat experience was when i was studying in China. Property was a boosting industry then. It still is, i believe.
No doubt there are some differences between SG and CN showflats and our ways of living, the main idea of a showflat is about building a home. A home u can call your own, a home of u and ur loved ones.
Viewed a number of showflats and each showflat is distinctly unique in its own ways. I could picture the concept of my future home. Showflats such as The Trumps, is damn classy. The decor is great and tastefully done, color combination is perfect, but something is just not right. The feeling of a home... is lacking. I guess i will be constantly worrying about my furnitures and decor being damaged/messed up by my guests or kids. The sales executive said that the targeted market is the expatriates and most of the units bought were a form of investment; the house was rented out to foreigners like the Koreans and the Indonesians. That explains the super classy environment and showflats.
I remember the amount of time i invested in decorating/furnishing my 'home' in China. I've lived in hostel and rental apartments during my 4 years in China, moved house for a total of 6 times. Nevertheless, each 'home' was decorated affectionately by me. whenever i moved to a new house, i'd skipped classes to clean/decor and buy necessities for the house.
Hehai hostel and Nan Xiu apartment were my fav home in China. Hehai hostel is painfully small and squeezy, but i tranformed it into a cosy, cheery and a well-equipped home. Fridge, washing machine, mini-kitchen... u name it, i have them! One of the walls was pasted with sky wall paper. In the day time, u'll see clouds, and in the night, stars will appear! Luminous stars were concealed in the sky wallpater. I also pasted lotsa posters and pictures to cover the walls which were dirtied by the previous students.
Nan Xiu apartment, on the other hand, is more like a home. Proper living room (small though), toilet, kitchen (small also), and one big bedroom with attached balcony. I was the landlord's first tenant. Thus i got the house first-hand. It was completely newly renovated. Basically he gave me the freedom to design the house, as long as not too many holes were drilled or destructive damages done. Therefore the concept of design to that of Hehai is completely different. Nan Xiu Apartment is comfortable to live in and more accessible. My university, market, supermarket, shops were just a stone's throw away.
Hehai hostel is damn far from my uni and practically out of town. The only one thing which i cannot tolerate is, electricity tripped pretty often in China hostels, causing lotsa inconvenience. Guess we foreign students were to be blame for having too many high voltage electrical appliances! However, i prefer Hehai hostel to Nan Xiu Apartment... Hehai hostel is my first home after my deferment from university... each design, each corner of the room was my sweat and effort...
"Wow! U seem to be settling down in China! How are u going to get rid of those things when u graduated?" my friends were amazed at the amount of stuffs and pain i took in my temporary home.
Well, to me... it's really more than a home... It's a place for me to hide, to laze, to idle, to relax. I want it to be as comfy as possible. That's what a home should be, isnt't it?
Now that i am back in SG for good, living under the roof of my parents. I envy my brother and friends who have a home of their own, and seems to be living happily together. I want a home of my own too. I seriously don't mind living in a small HDB flat, as long as it is a home of my own, a love nest of my love and me... But pessimism tends to get the better of me... i tend to be afraid that my home will be a broken one... ah... i think i've better stop now before i get deviated.

**************
True love is not about hanky pankying, whispering sweet nothings, or how long u are with your partner. Instead it is how commited u are to your love, and how u treat your love truthfully each and every single day. ~ bAbYj0y

2005-10-06T23:50:00.000+08:00

Today is uncle's cremation... Rest in peace.
-------------------------------------------
HaPpIe bIrThDaY Shunyi...
-------------------------------------------
Went for a free spa with BA.
I did the body spa while he did the face spa.
I felt disappointed n cheated; it's more like a body treatment than body spa... I should have taken the face spa! Anyway, the face spa is just normal facial... argh.
Guess i can't expect much... it's freebies afterall (though they kept persuading us to upgrade our freebies)...
After 45 mins of 'SPA', they pschyo us to sign up their special 'discounted' programmes, as expected. Good thing that BA is with me, else i will have difficulty rejecting...
Received a bouquet of flowers from BA too... for the first time.
PS: dun lie to me... u want me to trust u, but how am i suppose to do so when i actually caught u keeping thgs from me... thrice.
It hurts to be deceived.

2005-10-05T14:16:00.000+08:00

Importance of sleep
A man can go two weeks without eating. But if he doesn't rest at all, he can only survive for one week. Sleeping provides us the time to rest our internal organs, eyes and brains. Poor sleep quality can cause internal damage to our internal organs and brains. Therefore, sleeping is very important to us. If you wish to have a long life and stay healthy, please take note of the advice below.

5 DON'TS when you are sleeping:
1) DON'T SLEEP WITH WATCH
Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity. Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your health.

2) DON'T SLEEP WITH BRA
Scientists in America have discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. So go to bed without it.

3) DON'T SLEEP WITH PHONE
Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged. Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks, but please put the phone as far as possible. Scientists have proved that electrical items including mobile phone and television sets emit magnetic waves when used. These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system. Therefore if you need to put your mobile phone near you, switch it off first. (erm... i always sleep with my hp near me n tv on... arghhh)

4) DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE-UP
People who sleep with make up might have skin problems in the long run. Sleeping with make up will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring. You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep.

5) DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHERS' WIFE
You may never wake up again.

2005-10-05T09:34:00.000+08:00

"Do not expect others to do something if u yourself does not desire."

2005-10-04T11:32:00.000+08:00

("-.-) beg beg... beg beg... (-.-")
found this cute doggy pic while surfing the web...
added the chinese wordings myself...

2005-10-04T00:42:00.000+08:00

I'm home finally...
Took MRT - LRT to uncle's funeral...
Been quite some time since i took public transport... I never like LRT, cos i'd get lost; i wasn't sure which MRT i should alight to change to LRT...
Argh... It took me 2 hours to reach Pending from Tampines... I was terribly late... parents, brother n wife were oredi there...
Before i settled down, 1st aunt asked, "Boyfriend leh?"
Huh... I thought this question will only popped out during CNY???
Parents let out a smirky smile... brother n wife looked inquisitvely at me...
They even went out to search for him...
...
The topic diverted to brother's wedding in December... my handsome cousin who is a year younger than me, was urge by his girlfriend to get married... the girl is older than him by a year or two... they are going to ROM this coming November and customary next year...
Not knowing what to do, i ate lotsa curry chicken and drank lotsa water...
"U didn't have dinner?" brother asked.
I wasn't hungry actually; im just eating to keep myself occupied...
...
I left after an hour plus... sighz... another 2 hours journey back... Just like all soap operas, heavy downpour is one essential criteria for a successful heart-breaking scene... it rained... my mood was dampened...
As i drank too much earlier, i needed a toilet urgently. I alighted at Outram MRT but i was told that the toilet closes at 9.30 pm...
"Huh? Then anymore toilets? My bladder's going to burst..."
The control station man on duty immediately brought me to their staff's toilet...
Cool... I didn't know that one of the metal doors that we see in MRT are actually staff toilets...
"Walk straight and turn right. The pink color door is the ladies. I'll wait for u outside," he told me.
I was really grateful...
Sighz...

2005-10-03T09:37:00.000+08:00

Fix You
When u try your best but don't succeed
When u get what u want but not what u need
When u feel so tired but can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears coming streaming down your face
When u lose something u can't replace
When u love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide u home
And ignite your bones
And i will try to fix u

And high up above or down below
When u're too in love to let it go
But if u never try u'll never know
Just what u're worth

Lights will guide u home
And ignite your bones
And i will try to fix u

Tears stream down your face
When u lose something u cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise i will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide u home
And ignite your bones
And i will try to fix u

2005-10-02T08:40:00.000+08:00

2nd Aunt called just now...
Uncle passed away this morning...
...
....
.....

2005-09-29T17:32:00.000+08:00

Dad's appointment today... He needs to undergo an operation in Nov...
"Isit dangerous?" I asked.
"Anything can be dangerous in the operation theatre," he replied, "If u're worried, chant for me lor..."
I didn't say anything... but i will, definitely.

2005-09-27T09:46:00.000+08:00

saw a dead cockroach in the bathroom this morning... i immediately called for mom...
"Mother! Mother!"
Hearing my screams, she said,"What? Cockroach isit?"
"Faster! Faster!" I continued screaming.
Mother took a tissue, wrapped up the body of the cockroach and threw it into the rubbish chute...
"U gotta be independent!" said mom.
"Huh? What has independence gotta do with me afraid of cockroach?" I was unhappy.
I mean i know it's dead, but everyone has weaknesses, n my weaknesses are those creepy crawlies, be it dead or alive!
Argh, parents... always accuse the child for everything and anything!

2005-09-27T01:15:00.000+08:00

BA is back! With gifts for me of cos - 4 cartoon T-shirts and a green Jim Thompson purse! (^o^)

2005-09-25T22:49:00.000+08:00

"Do more than what u say. Better yet, do more than what you think."

"If you only stay in the toilet, you will only see your own shit."

"Before you learn how to run a business, learn how to have humanity. And when you know how to run a business, have even more humanity."

"In order to be unique, just be yourself. Because there is only one "YOU" in this world."

"People recognise and respect you for what you have done, not for what you have said."

"Good individuals will perish one day but good family values and corporate culture will last forever."

"Professionalism without passion is nothing."

"Doing business must be based on discipline, not on mood."

2005-09-25T03:26:00.000+08:00

Just back from clubbing with YQ and frenz. It's been some time since i last chiong... dead tired... Age is catching up, and i definitely needed more rest than i used to...
YQ is feeling terribly lousy about himself... I empathize with what he went through these few weeks, but i hope he will remember that he has his family and a bunch of good buddies who will support and stand by his side... always.
Life is not smooth sailing... just be strong, take things by your stride, and u will realise that those problems are actually nutrients of Life.

By the way... I'd like to thank Shunyi for helping out... Thanks...

2005-09-22T23:57:00.000+08:00

...
....
.....
Dunno wat to say... I guess i can only blame myself for being so useless...
I dun even have the ability to grab an opportunity given to me...
The sense of disappointment i'm feeling right now is simply beyond description...
......
.......
Opportunity knocks only once... grab it or lose it...
I'm losing it.

2005-09-21T23:58:00.000+08:00

Went to SAS ECC/Pri Div today... super nice environment... super cute American kids...
One girl grabbed my hand when she was about to leave the room.
"I like you," she told me.
"Thanks Sweetie! I like you too!" I was indeed really very surprised.
Another boy asked me, "What's your name again? Will u be coming in tomorrow?"
Saw those kids i've taught earlier during lunch break, "Miss Joycelyn!" they waved.
I smiled.
Warmth filled my heart.
--------------------------------------------
called Mdm Lee to tell her about the decision to forgo the plan...
surprisingly, she suggested another option... will be meeting her tomorrow...
will see how it goes... unexpected twist of events...
--------------------------------------------
21st September also marks a significant and memorable day on the calendar.
"What is it?" I heard people asking.
Well... i'm not saying... yet.
Rest assured that i will say when the time comes. :)

2005-09-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

sad... decided to give up a plan... a dream... a hope...

2005-09-19T11:50:00.000+08:00

TIPS ON DRYING FLOWERS
**********************
Do you find it difficult to throw away a bouquet of flowers, especially if it was given to you by someone special? If so, why not try out the following simple tips on drying flowers.

AIR DRYING FLOWERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To air dry flowers, remove the leaves and cut them when the dew is gone, tying several stems together with string and hang in a cool, dry, dark place. A closet or pantry is a good place to hang flowers for drying. The drying time vary from flower to flower. When they feel crisp, take them down and store in boxes or paper bags.

USING SILICA GEL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other flowers may require a drying agent such as silica gel which is commercially available. Fill the bottom of a flat dish with 1 inch of silica gel and put in the flowers. Carefully add more drying agent until the flowers are completely covered. Check in a couple of days, dry petals will feel like paper. Store in boxes, with a little silica gel to absorb moisture in the air.

MICROWAVE DRYING
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The microwave oven can help to speed up the drying process. Prepare a few flowers at a time in a small dish. Put in the microwave along with a cup of water. "Cook"on medium for 10 seconds to 3 minutes, depending on the thickness of the flower. Since conditions are variable, you will have to experiment with the timing. After microwaving, leave in the drying agent for a few hours up to a day.

PRESSING FLOWERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flat faces flowers such as pansies, petunias and daisies are good to press. Place 3 flowers between sheets of blotting paper and put ina flower press or weight down with bricks or books. Check them after a week for dryness.

(extracted from Noel)

2005-09-17T12:40:00.000+08:00

When i was in my teens, my dad was very strict about BGR matters. He even went to the extent of recording the telephone...
Though it's in the past, this incident still haunt me... I never give my residential number to my friends, only my mobile number(unless close friends and work-related matters). I don't like it when friends call my house, and i seriously hate it when people came knocking on my door, talked/passed things to my parents. I mean, whatever happens, my parents should not be involved. They shouldn't be worrying about whatever shit i got myself into outside.
Oh yes, before i forgot, i deleted my friendster account on 10th September. I realised that friendster did not really serve its purpose, instead misunderstandings were created cos of it. I apologised for those who think i've deliberately blocked them. I did not; i simply deleted it.

2005-09-16T12:15:00.000+08:00

Thought for Today

" If you are not big enough to lose, you are not big enough to win."

2005-09-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

extracted from a friend's blog...

Moral Strength

The three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: to return love for hate, to include the excluded, and to say, "I was wrong."

-Sydney J. Harris

2005-09-14T00:31:00.000+08:00

Lotsa things in my mind these daes... so much so that it's suffocating me...
I want things to be done, to be justified... but... i dunno how and where to begin.
I thought i have someone to rely on, but it turned up that i can only rely on myself.
I guess when words are not put into action, it's better that i learn to control my emotions and be reserved.

2005-09-13T17:39:00.000+08:00

Dad's home.
"How the appointment today?" I asked.
"X-ray shows a stone in my stomach."
"Huh... then how?"
"Dunno. Must see what the doctor says."
"When is your next appointment then?"
"29th."
"Ok..."

2005-09-12T23:41:00.000+08:00

Need i say more? The picture says it all; a picture says a thousand words.

2005-09-11T23:26:00.000+08:00

It works... it really works very well... I finally understand why people says that pain in the heart is much worse than pain in body... Try hurting yourself when u are really terribly upset, and the pain in your heart will be lessened... a little. Funny thing is... u won't feel pain when u hurt yourself physically, cos your heart is in extreme agony.
bit myself a few times today... pain in the heart is lessened a little with each bites. Wow... mabbe can try using matchsticks to burn my wrist next time.
Had my 1st puff today too, just one try, a very quick one. Surprisingly, it's not as bad as i thougt it would be. "It is light, meant for ladies," i was told. Cool...
Ha... what am i doing? No worries, i'm home and... alive.

2005-09-11T01:28:00.000+08:00

ok, i'm not morally, ethically right.
i'm not explaining anything.
just avoid n leave me alone to avoid being 'harm' by me.

2005-09-10T23:09:00.000+08:00

didn't manage to see uncle juz now... he was sleeping... hmm... or should i say he was pretending to be sleeping? uncle hates people to see him in a state like this...
when he was admitted to hospital last year, he rejected visitors, i was lucky enuff that he was willing to see me then...
when i reached home just now, mom told me that 2nd auntie called, told us not to go visit him... uncle lost his temper... he wants no visitor... sighz... i understand the pain he's going through right now... come to think of it... if i am him... i guess i wouldn't want anyone to see me suffering either... i want people to remember me as the ever happy n cheerful joycelyn...
feeling melancholic tonight...

2005-09-07T23:26:00.000+08:00

while i was giving tuition, mom smsed me that my uncle is being hospitalised...
talking about my uncle... i really pity him...
he received government scholarship to study in japan for 5 years...
upon returning to SG, his health deteriorated... he suffered from kidney disease...
nevertheless, he lived strong n worked hard... some years back, he bought a condominum...
last year, he was admitted to the hospital after vomitting blood... it was only then did we realised that he had cancer... he kept it from us all cos he felt that it was useless to let anyone know about his condition... the cancer cells were spreading and in the end, he had his tongue cut off... when i visited him in the hospital... he looked so frail... he wrote on papers to communicate with us since he can no longer talk...
this year CNY, we went to his house n he looks healthy... he was back to his normal self... we were happy for him.
but now... he has a relapse... i wonder whether he will be able to pull through it... sighz... how fragile life can be...
o ya... dad's going for his CT scan on 13th Sept... sighz... one storm after another...

2005-09-05T23:33:00.000+08:00

guys are reli contradicting creatures...
they wants their gers to be mature, yet expects them to be demure, cute, babyish etc...
they wants their gers to be capable, both in work n in household chores...
they wants their gers to be decent, yet expects them to behave like a whore in bed...
idiotic guys!

2005-09-03T10:52:00.000+08:00

kinda stress... more financial burden...
hang on there, joycelyn!
--------------------
i lost my specs... the spectacles case is empty.
arghhhh

2005-09-01T10:36:00.000+08:00

I noticed a plaster on dad's left hand as i was preparing to go out.

"You had an injection?"
"Yes."
"How come? What's wrong with you?"
"Check up. Not feeling very well."
"Oh... how was it?"
"Dunno yet."
"Ok... i got to go... bye."
"Bye."

Sighz... wat's wrong with him?

2005-08-31T12:44:00.000+08:00

Teachers' Day Pressies and flowers... there's lots more... :)

2005-08-31T12:40:00.000+08:00

ever since the launch of March of the Penguins, i'm dying to watch it... cos i love penguins!! I never know that penguins are such noble parents until i watched this heart-warming documentary with Alan... Penguins... OoOo, how i love them!

Each winter, alone in the pitiless ice deserts of Antartica, deep in the most inhospitable terrain on Earth, a truly remarkable journet takes place as it has done for millennia.

Emperor penguins in their thousands abandon the deep blue security of their ocean home and clamber onto the frozen ice to begin their long journey into a region so bleak, so extreme. it supports no other wildlife at this time of the year.

In single file, the penguins march blinded by blizzards, buffeted by gale force winds. Resolute, indomitable, driven by the overpowering urge to reproduce, to assure the survival of the species.

2005-08-25T12:10:00.000+08:00

erm... been some time since i last post my pics... haha...

2005-08-23T12:58:00.000+08:00

My vision became blur while at work... i was conscious though... i shook my head hard... it did not take long for my vision to recover...
guess i'm too stress... am real bz... endure...!

2005-08-18T13:53:00.000+08:00

my VS boy sent this to me... http://wewillnotforget.blogspot.com/
well... can't imagine VS turning into co-ed...
btw, YQ, if u r reading this, my VS boy Yongtao, wants u to sign the petition cos u were an ex-Victorian. Go to Joy's fav links and click on ThySonsAreWe. YQ, u can get ur VS friends, XJ, JX etc to sign too.

2005-08-17T12:36:00.000+08:00

thanks to a friend for showing me lotsa concern...
but i'd like to make this clear, i am not what u think i am.
i never ever thought that i am unfortunate.
in fact, u can never imagine how strong i am mentally and emotionally.
if i'm weak in mind and heart, i'd have gone bonkers long ago.
i'm serious, don't underestimate me.

2005-08-15T12:07:00.000+08:00

erm... thanks those who showed concern about my relationship with my dad... all is well already, really.
like my dad, i'm a quick tempered person... both of us are quick to temper, but fast to calm down... just that alot of time, pride gets the better of us, and none of us is willing to give in... arghhh.
actually dad has changed alot since i was a child... i dunno... but i guess it's a good thing that i am not a rebellious child... else our father-daughter relationship will definitely be a family tragedy... things could get worse, really... i seriously feel that we are being protected by the gohonzon...

2005-08-12T15:40:00.000+08:00

'O' levels Chinese is out... Wenli from SCGS got A2... she said only 2 gers from her class got A2... i'm happy for her... but i felt kinda sad at the same time... i know i will not be seeing her for tuition anymore... i enjoyed teaching her... alot.
Anyway, all the best to her other 'O' levels papers!
(just realised i never took pictures with her b4 :( ...)

2005-08-11T23:39:00.000+08:00

Nestor Torres is in town... thanks to mother, i've got tics for his Rhapsodies of Jazz tonight... Many queued for the tics and couldn't get it...
Besides captivating us with his music, he also shared his experiences through faith in the Gohonzon... Indeed, inner transformation can leads to victory... the ichinen is really important.
------------------------------------------------------
Had my resignation letter typed n printed out... intended to tender today... but no courage to... ironically, it was dad, who 'forced' me to give...
"Go in and tender. Don't waste time!"
erm... i did... i'm not a rebellious child, remember?...
------------------------------------------------------

2005-08-10T23:44:00.000+08:00

10th August... Mum's birthday...
Due to work, i did not go to Senja to pay her a visit...
Will go visit her on Saturday...
Happy Birthday, Mum...
Miss u dearly...

2005-08-09T23:39:00.000+08:00

28 couples from YCF Youth Dance will be performing in Tampines Heartland.
I joined them very last minute; only had one training, and out i went...
Did not perform up to expectation, but i guess i'm happy...
Happy 40th Birthday Singapore!

2005-08-08T12:38:00.000+08:00

Dad is angry to learn from mother about my decision to tender resignation n my thought of moving out. Expected.
Mother warned me that dad will kill himself or kill me; warned me not to challenge him. I told mother that i'm capable of doing such thing also. Mother is scare.
"Think about the person u love most b4 u do anything silly," said mother.
"I love no one," i snapped.
Love.. it's nothing but a lie.
The person i love most is dead. DEAD.
STOP CRYING, JOYCELYN!

2005-08-07T23:09:00.000+08:00

Didn't talk to dad for one whole day today.
Talked a LITTLE to mother thou...
My eyes still hurt... cried too much oredi...
I'm not giving in... i gave in too much since young...
I'll lead my own life from now on... i'm going to tender my resignation...
Many thanks to those who have showed concern... i really need it... i was so upset yesterday that i almost wanted to end my life...
I dunno... i am especially vulnerable during the months of August and October...
Mum, i miss u...
--------------------------------------------------------
Gastric pain... just taken my dinner at the kopitiam below my house...
--------------------------------------------------------
Almost forgot what are my YCF Resolutions... Peiling and Nick wanted us to set resolutions for YCF... all the participants wrote it on a piece of paper and folded it into whatever shapes we wanted... Our resolutions are to be actualised after completion of YCF...

The 2 resolutions that i've set...
1) emotionally stable (don't be so extreme)
2) regain faith and trust in relationships.

Looking at the state i am in now... I've failed...

I'm going to give myself a chance... i'll commit... i'll have my own family.
I'll be happy... I'll be.

2005-08-07T10:45:00.000+08:00

STOP... STOP... PLEASE WAIT... :'(

2005-08-07T09:53:00.000+08:00

i woke up with tears in my eyes this morning.
i wiped it away with my hands, scolding myself, "Why the hell am i crying? Don't cry!"
i was quite reluctant to wake up; i could hear my parents talking in the living room... arghhh... i turned to the right side of my bed and there it was - a green tortoise soft toy... it is carrying a small tortoise on its back too... super cute... "Where is the pig...?" i've another pig... ah, that it is... under my pillow... i grabbed my hp and took a snap of them...
actually there are many soft toys on my bed (top of the wardrobe, under the bed and store-room still got more!)... sometimes i reli wonder whether the bed beongs to me or belongs to these soft toys... luckily mine is a queen-sized bed, else i'd sure have to sleep on the floor...

2005-08-07T09:28:00.000+08:00

passion of the fire... will it continue to burn or has the passion died down...? (taken with my hp)

2005-08-07T01:31:00.000+08:00

As i sat here weeping and thinking about my childhood days... i suddenly remembers what a MOE teacher shared last Friday... cant remember the exact words... but the gist is there.

A little girl was pouring water from a flask to a glass.
Water spilled and made a mess.

Adult 1: Go get a cloth from the kitchen and wipe the table.

Adult 2: That's very good! U know how to pour water!

Adult 3: U see lar! U see lar!

Adult 4: Oh dear, the table is wet. What should u do now?

Adult 1 is teaching the girl how to solve a problem. (spoon-feeding)
Adult 2 is encouraging the girl. But problem is not addressed.
Adult 3 is a negative example... most parents are like that. MINE IS. AND IT'S FAR WORSE than this.
Adult 4 is making the girl think and analyse. (skill of problem solving)

An adult's approach to young children is a deciding factor of what the children becomes in the future.
Never underestimate pre-school education.

2005-08-07T00:19:00.000+08:00

I'm crying! CRYING! And i hate myself for CRYING! I can't remember when is the last time i cried so hard! I had a bad day today, and yet u scolded me!
I had enuff! I hate myself for not being rebellious!
Just u wait! I'll move out!!!
I will never forget the pain that u inflicted on me and mum! THANKS to u; it's affecting my life and my point of view!
I HATE U, father!!! U DUN FIT TO BE A FATHER THOUGH!!!
I HATE U! I HATE U! I HATE U!
-----------------------------------------------------------
I tried calling him! It's OFF! OFF! OFF! OFF! OK, THAT'S IT!
HE'S NOT THERE WHEN I'M UPSET!
ve... should mean negative, not positive!
I got it... i got it!
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? JUST GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-08-06T12:18:00.000+08:00

long weekends... need not work... today, tomorrow, Monday, Tuesday (National Day) and Wednesday... Initally, i wanted to have a quick getaway to neighbouring coutries. BUT looking at my schedule, i realised that i have no time for such luxury! Cos i have lotsa research to do and i still have tuition!
Earlier this morning, i went back to the office... and i'm going to give tuition later... Sunday got gakkai thingy and need to do research for my project... Monday need to go back to office for about 3 hours, afterwhich, have to give tuition and do project... Tuesday and Wednesday tuition and do project too... Argh... no rest day for me at all... what am i doing...? i'm making myself miserable...

2005-08-05T23:49:00.000+08:00

Like all human beings, i have my likes n dislikes... There r certain things which i really dread...
One of the things i really i hate is when people call me by the wrong name or spell my name wrongly, especially friends.
I am JoYcelyn (look closely, there is a 'Y'), i am not Jocelyn, Joselin, Joselyn or Jacelyn...!
I remember some years back when i was still staying in Bishan, a guy (4got his name) i gotta know through a filming project, sent me a card via post. It was written, "To: Joyce Lim". Erm... since when did my surname becomes Lim? I realised that all along, he had been mistaking my name as Joyce and Lim as my surname. I thought he called me Joyce for short, cos some friends n my parents will address me as Joyce or Joy.
There were also times when my name was spelled as Jocelyn in certificates and times when people commented that my name is weird. Argh... whatever...! But that's my name! And if u r going to write/type it, u just have to get it right!
Please don't get my name wrong... cos i really hate it!

2005-08-04T23:29:00.000+08:00

Shooting finished! I'm bushed! But it's real fun!
I reached mediacorp make-up unit at 9am today. Saw Ann Kok, Zoe Tay, Celest, Ding Rong etc doing make-up n hairdo. I was in the midst of doing my make-up when Alex Toh came in! Wah, he's so man!
It was raining cats and dogs when we were about to set off. Thus we had our first shooting indoor! Luckily the rain stopped after we had our lunch, and we can have our shooting outdoors. Thanks to the rain, the weather is great!
The producer is not as fierce as i thought he would be; he's very nice! So were the cameraman n crew! They were a bunch of cute and nice people! One of them claimed that i have big eyes! :p

2005-08-03T21:45:00.000+08:00

Just back from FEP, wasted trip again.
Should have went there alone, or with some other friends.
SAD.
----------------------------------------------------------
hmm... BA wrote me a poem... he made it into jpeg file for fear that i won't be able to view it in my email... Really not bad at all...

"These words translates my thoughts.... words to express the joy and happiness.... and hence... pining for joy...
my baby joy"

2005-08-03T17:43:00.000+08:00

A friend bought me egg tarts n 2 stalks of lilies.
It is not the usual white lilies we see; they have red spots on the petals. Kinda nice. (However, i still prefer my favourite flower...)

Earlier this morning, this friend smsed me to encourage me to tender my resignation letter... He also said that he will support me for the time being if i am jobless... i am speechless when i read the sms... but i've to admit it's kinda touching... Anyway, i won't go jobless... cos i've found myself another job... even if i haven't, i still have tuition to tide me over.
He also gave me a green creative Zen mp3 player when he passed me the mooncakes last week... but i've yet to use it...

"Why?" i asked him.
"Cos i know u like it," was his reply.

I guess when u love someone dearly, u won't mind to spend on him/her...

2005-08-02T22:54:00.000+08:00

reli jialat... no courage to tender resignation letter...
y do i keep worrying about disappointing and causing inconvenience to others...?
y do i always put others before myself...?
sighz... the inner me must be loathing me for not thinking for my own welfare...

2005-08-01T22:36:00.000+08:00

MAY get paycut (August) for applying for 1 day leave... i could have fake illness n get myself an MC... haiz... so much for telling the truth...

2005-07-31T20:52:00.000+08:00

i'm doing things i don't want to do... again.
i'm contradicting myself... again.
[sighs]
i want to talk things over...
i want to be clear about what i want n where my future lies...
i hate the feeling of uncertainty...
[sighs]
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TCS artise Chen Hanwei's volkwagen was driving along Orchard Road today... for those who wants to buy 4D... here's his car plate... 3100...

2005-07-30T23:12:00.000+08:00

i feel contradicting... why do i do the things i do...? why...

2005-07-29T22:48:00.000+08:00

This OPTODISC supposed to contain video recording of our YCF training... It was passed to me last month... but i did not play it until just now... To my surprise... it is EMPTY.
I wonder... is the disc passed to me so as to appease me not to be angry with his inpunctuality...? or isit just pure carelessness...?

2005-07-29T22:46:00.000+08:00

went to Mediacorp to meet the producer just now... a Taiwanese... looks strict... hope i won't kena scolding from him during the shooting next week...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"If you could stop every atom in its position and direction, and if your mind could comprehend all the actions thus suspended, then if you were really, really good at algebra you could write the formula for all the future."

~"The Rule of Four"

2005-07-28T23:08:00.000+08:00

FYI......

Interesting Facts - NOKIA Mobile Phones
Some interesting facts for your Nokia Mobile.

1)Imagine your mobile battery is very low, you are expecting an important Call and you don't have a charger. Nokia instrument comes with reserve Battery. To activate, key is *3370# your mobile will restart with this Reserve and your instrument will show a 50%increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

2)The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency,dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you.

Do share this important info with others too. Hope you'll never need to use it though! And interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even while the keypad is locked. Try it out!

2005-07-27T22:57:00.000+08:00

*FAINTZ*

2005-07-26T22:40:00.000+08:00

Sad but nice story and it's definitely worth the time to read... tears welled up my eyes as i finished reading... However, that's not the way i think love should be... Love is about sharing and supporting each other... be it sickness or poverty...

Chris's Diary

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up.

It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby 7-11. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm. I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.

She said, "I miss you."

I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."

She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.

I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."

Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.

Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"

Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home. Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently.

Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.

But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."

We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.

She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."

With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite awhile, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.

She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."

I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"

I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"

I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went
back to the doctor and took an X-ray.

The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, losing our last moments in silence.

I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."

She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the door that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today.

I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets.

But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words...

"It is better to forget the things that hurt us,
And to live each day and take whatever comes.
With the hope that by tomorrow,
There will come a balm for sorrow,
And help master life's important sums.
There is a strength that comes to us everytime we suffer,
And our will grow stronger everytime we fight.
Let us be doubly grateful for the things that disappoint us
There only come to lead us to the light. "

2005-07-26T22:30:00.000+08:00

Joke of the day:

"Did you hear what happened?" Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work.

"Hear what?" I asked, my curiosity peaked.

"The regional vice president died this morning!"

"What?!" I asked, totally stunned. "What happened?"

"He was working through lunch when he had a heart attack" Jim began

explaining. "Everyone was gone except his secretary. You know the one."

"Boy do I. She's that young blonde babe."

"Yeah that's the one. Turns out she isn't too smart, though." Jim said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"He kept yelling at her to 'call 9 1 1'. She just stood there waiting

for him to give her the rest of the phone number."

2005-07-25T22:40:00.000+08:00

was searching for mooncakes the past few weeks as i was doing a project... it was pretty tough cos it's 2 more months before mooncake festival arrives... coincidentally, a friend made me 3 'ice-skin' (bing pi) mooncakes... (i prefer 'ice-skin' mooncakes to those traditional type) and they are in green color (my fav color)... erm... what can i say...? Thanks alot...

taken with hp... so kinda blur...

2005-07-23T22:29:00.000+08:00

tried this quiz "The Keys to Your (My) Heart" just now...erm...

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2005-07-22T20:30:00.000+08:00

This is a non-animated picture

They are used to relate to your pressure level.

If you see them moving, then that means you have pressure.

The speed of the movement is the level of your pressure.

The higher that moving speed, the higher pressure you have.

Most children and old men only see static pictures and not moving.

If you see the pattern moving in a slow motion,

That means you have a bit pressure at this moment.

Test yourself regularly with these pictures to know yourself better.
Sometimes, it is good to have an appropriate pressure to push us to do better,but too much pressure can push us to the end of the edge resulting in sickness.

Please calm yourself if you see those patterns moving fast.

2005-07-21T19:59:00.000+08:00

During YCF, we faced a shortage of guys to dance... this time round, ironically, we have fewer girls than guys to dance in the coming NDP performance... Ermmm...
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Super stress at work these days... arghhh... anyway, i guess i will be leaving soon... yea... i've got a better offer... *ssshhhh*
can't bear to leave though... will see how it goes...

2005-07-20T19:47:00.000+08:00

blur...

YCF actual day... me and Elva... Do we looked very 60s? :p

2005-07-19T23:28:00.000+08:00

Received Beng Yen's sms about NDP... asked me why i did not turn up for the training...
Elva, thanks for your encouragement.

2005-07-18T18:11:00.000+08:00

received this email pic with Cindy (Group B). Taken with her hp.

2005-07-17T11:18:00.000+08:00

Lotsa people has been asking me about my love life. Those who read my blog regularly should have realised that i hardly write (in details) about my feelings n relationship thingy as compared to the past. I've learned to be more discreet and private when handling things like that. It's scary how people add 'salt' and 'vinegar' to what i actually said or meant.
Sometimes i really wonder... do they really care? They are just being nosey... They wanted to know so that they can spread and talk about it (intentionally or unintentionally). Who's the one to get hurt in the end? ME.
It's been 15 days since HQ1 YCF was over. Throughout the past practices, some participants and even trainers had been asking me about my relationship with my partner. Past experiences taught me to be careful about the way i answer their questions, so much so that i was even cautious not to mention his name while blogging. However these did not stop tongues wagging... Rumours still spread. Blame it on human nature? Or should i blame myself for not satisfying their curiosity? ARGHHHH.
Alrite... the partner i've been talking about is Alan, and yes, is my ex. He took part in the Youth Dance Item after i did, and we became dance partners. It was a challenge... emotionally. There were times when we argued during trainings... times when we enjoyed the dance... and times when i was reluctant to let him flipped me... Nevertheless, we did the flip on the actual night of performance and we were really happy. Our item was also chosen by the showcom to perform in NDP, everyone was thrilled. However, i decided i won't be participating as i'm sick of those hypocritical concerns... I seriously don't see why i need to account to anyone about my private life. I'll say when i'm comfortable or when i feel that the time is ripe. So kindly stop probing, else u will end up in my list of hypocritical friends. Call me cynical; I won't bother. I'm protective of myself and I'm not going to let myself get hurt again.
A friend told me, "Never let someone who hurt u hurt u twice." How true.

2005-07-14T18:50:00.000+08:00

NKF court issues...

http://straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/mnt/html/nkf/transcript11_am.html

http://straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/mnt/html/nkf/transcript11_pm.html

http://straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/mnt/html/nkf/transcript12.html

2005-07-11T18:51:00.000+08:00

Very quietly I take my leave
As quietly as I came here;
Quietly I wave good-bye
To the rosy clouds in the western sky.

The golden willows by the riverside
Are young brides in the setting sun;
Their reflections on the shimmering waves
Always linger in the depth of my heart.

The floating heart growing in the sludge
Sways leisurely under the water;
In the gentle waves of Cambridge
I would be a water plant!

That pool under the shade of elm tees
Holds not water but the rainbow from the sky;
Shattered to pieces among the duck weeds
Is the sediment of a rainbow-like dream?

To seek a dream?
Just to pole a boat upstream
To where the green grass is more verdent;
Or to have the boat fully loaded with starlight
And sing aloud in the splendor if starlight.

But I cannot sing aloud
Quietness is my farewell music;
Even summer insects keep silence for me
Silent is Cambridge tonight!

Very quietly i take my leave
As quietly as i came here;
Gently I flick my sleeves
Not even a wisp of cloud will I bring away.

~ English version of "zai bie kang qiao"

2005-07-11T09:47:00.000+08:00

Mother told her WDs NEVER doubt the Gohonzon even if she was to pass away... Her WDs cried..

2005-07-10T23:30:00.000+08:00

went to watch HQ2 YCF performance with Alan at 11 am... PERSONALLY i feel that it is not that good... perhaps the last performance at 4 pm will be better?
The performance ended at 12:30 pm... as i walked down the stairs, a guy kept looking at me n mumbled something... i thought he wanted me to let him pass, so i paused...
"Edwin... I am Edwin," he said.
I looked closer and realised he is my secondary school friend... my first love at 15 years old too...
"Oh! Is u! Thought u left Gakkai? I almost cannot recognised u! Why r u here? I heard u r married!" I shoot... just some years back, i heard from my friend that Edwin is married and is now living in Yew Tee...
"My neighbour invited me... Yea, married... that's my wife...," he smiled. His wife seems like a nice lady... :)
Hmm... how time flies... when will it be my turn to settle down...?

2005-07-09T23:03:00.000+08:00

Ah ma is admiited to hospital on Wednesday... I learnt about it yesterday when dad smsed me ah ma's ward, level and bed details... I went to visit ah ma today, but it is not ah ma on the bed! After enquiry, realised that dad smsed me the wrong bed number... it should be bed 19, not 9... anyway i got to see her... my 3 cousins were there too... they are much older than i am, married with kids... actually they are not my real cousins... ah ma is not my real ah ma either... but... i love my ah ma... childhood memories flow back... mixed feelings... *sighz*

2005-07-05T23:37:00.000+08:00

YCF was held in EXPO last Sunday... it was a great success... below are some pictures taken during our LAST training... No pics on actual day yet... YCF... banzai...!

My trainer Lisa doing the flip with my partner to find out why i'd fell... Thanks Lisa... :)

Inner 6 doing the pull out...

Turn turn turn... skirt fly fly fly

Group E 4eva... miss u guyz...
Our very own Group E cheer... by Katherine n Aloysius.
Lead: Listen up Group E! Let's do our cheer! Do you wanna boogie boogie?
Echo: Oh yes. We wanna boogie boogie.
Together: We wanna boogie in unity. For world peace and harmony. Let's boogie towards our victory. Changing our life history. Y...E...A...H... GROUP E!

2005-07-03T01:22:00.000+08:00

Just got home... HQ1 YCF is over... the sense of happiness is really too great to be contained... shall update about it later, cos real tired now...
By the way, i made it...!